I wanted it to be Cancer

I wanted it to be Cancer – It was an agonising wait! Each minute felt like an endless hour! It was so hard to focus on anything around me, that looking back all else is a blur! In the end I had to immerse myself in something! I had to lose myself in anything that would mean – I would stop thinking and agonising about what would be! Because every time I did I kept thinking – It had to be cancer! Having that diagnosis hover over me and not having had time to dwell in the immensity of it […]

How ridiculous – The certainty of Cancer is 10x easier than the possibility of Corona Virus!

The certainty of Cancer is easier than the possibility of Corona Virus. What a bold statement, could that really be? Here is why it felt that way to me! Receiving a cancer diagnosis from a Dr. I worked with was simply devastating, it probably would have felt equally devastating even if I did not know him! What did it do? It removed questions about – could he have made a mistake? Is he experienced, should I seek a second opinion? I knew his professionalism so it was a weirdly reassuring drop in the sea of turmoil. With all the questions […]

NHS – Hate it, Love it, take it or leave it!

The NHS gives blood, sweat and tears to ensure people shed less tears over loved ones. Love it or hate it, we need it. I love the NHS and believe in it with all my being. I work for it and have been privileged to work for Trusts where optimal is the norm and expected. But does it have problems? Yes. I have devoted my life to the NHS, so I never expected having to fight tooth, nail and grit for my own personal basic care.  The beginning of my crazy journey was spent septic in various hospitals in Portugal […]

One Emotionally Crushing Day in my Kidney Cancer Journey

The problem about kidney cancer that no one tells you is that even when you have your kidney removed, you are plagued with fatigue. Added to other health issues meant fatigue was so real it hurt! the lonesome part of this is loved ones have no idea how it affects you, not even with the best will in the world. Almost two years since my journey started and here and there i have my hopeful days, the days where i feel almost like myself, so much so i forget all my issues, pain, and the dreaded fatigue! Yesterday was one […]

Peeling the Layers of Time – Time to Change

Peeling the layers of time, No longer looking back, Looking forward to a time that is absent of lack. True Purpose! Peeling the layers of time, No longer feeling blue, As big changes loom,  I know I’ll find the moon. True Hope! Peeling the layers of time, No longer fearing pain, With a heart as high as the sun at noon, A butterfly bursts from its cocoon. True Healing! Peeling the layers of time, It’s time to look ahead Time to find the knack, Time to raise my head, Exhale and get back on track. (Peeling the layers of time […]

Progress is better than Perfection

When the odds are stacked against me, I refuse to believe I have to give up on being fit and healthy. So how do I keep the focus? Progress is better than Perfection – I recently heard when I took up an online digital marketing course, in order to keep my sanity and avoid drifting into the sadness that walk in tangent with my circumstances. As the eldest child of educated parents the pressures to succeed and take on high level education were immense. So often we find ourselves doing things for the wrong reasons or simply doing things that […]

Bad choices that lead to healthy choices

Epiphany moments can be amazing – we reassess our priorities, but can also be harrowing, we realise the mountains we have to climb and they often involve change. Through the years there have been many decisions and changes that were made for many reasons that in the end were meant to align with better health! Some did and many didn’t yet, as my 7 year old coined yesterday FAIL – in Fail all is learning. I have learnt more from the “failures” then from the achievements. I chose to chemically process my hair at the age of 15, not because […]

The Rocky Road to Success

As we start our challenges, set out to achieve a dream, a goal of aspiration, some will be for, some against and some will simply wait for us to fail! It happened when I set out to move to the UK in my late teens! I dreamt about it for a year, since the conversation with a cousin of mine that was already living here and loving it! I remember telling my parents that in a years time, once I finished my A-levels I would move to the UK. And I also remember their dismissive tone of voice since I […]

Managing Life’s Interruptions Part Two

(Strong emotions alert) I remember growing up hearing how cancer affects one in three people and somehow despite how tragic it sounded not let it touch me in the slightest. As an adult I became intrigued about it, curious and somehow thought I could study it and care for people with cancer. This was the first time Cancer became one of my life’s interruptions. How wrong was I! I thought that being a nurse would be coming in and saving the day! Then there I was on a cancer ward, on my final year of nursing only to find I […]

Managing Life’s interruptions

Sometimes we have to take a step back in order to take a step forward, make lemonade with the lemons. The serenity prayer comes to mind – written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971). The best-known form is: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. In life we often have interruptions to our plans. Be it on a personal level – During my very limiting high risk pregnancy I became septic, severely ill while abroad and was hospitalised for eight days […]